Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
