get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
