Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
