i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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