I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
50% drunk capacity currently
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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