I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
