dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize