My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
