Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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