I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
