I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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