You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
