for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
