Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
