I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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