But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
foreskin is a definite game changer
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
