we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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