I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
