So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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