yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
