shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
