I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
