so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
