I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
