i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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