Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
