I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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