Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
