Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I will pee on everything he values.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
