i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
