I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
