i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize