Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
