You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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