Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
