Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
