My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
