Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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