come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
