I just saw a hot homeless man
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
