ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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