You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he shaved USA in his pubs
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
