Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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