so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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