I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm too high and old for this...
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