Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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