i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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