So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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