Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
