I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
