we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
