did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
