he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
