im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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