I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
