You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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