Acid is not a monday night drug
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
