I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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