I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
