i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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