matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
