Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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