That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
