I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
