p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
