I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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