Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
