At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
