i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
