The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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